** COMPETITION ** - Give us your most "VB" shaving story ...

Mark1966

Mark1966

Canberra dwelling Happy Clapping Bean Counter
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Location
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In honour of the receipt of some of the (highly collectible) limited edition VB "Thirst -


It is time for a competition! Your change to win this iconic fragrance

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All you have to do is write below your most "VB" shaving story. It can be truth or fiction, bogan or beautiful.

Entries close 12 noon this coming Sunday 11 October. The winner will be chosen at the sole discretion of the judge - me.

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Gargravarr said:
Am I correct in assuming you don't like the scent then? :p
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I've not tested it - the package remains unopened. It just seemed a great opportunity for a competition - just waiting for those with some imagination!
 
Mark1966 said:
I've not tested it - the package remains unopened. It just seemed a great opportunity for a competition - just waiting for those with some imagination!
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I’m worried that you’re wife will complain about it, you might end up smelling like a real piss VB.

OPEN the bloody box, spray that VB cause we all wanted to know how you smell.

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I guess I will kick things off... Cheers for the competition @Mark1966 !

My first wet shaving experience was at Christmas last year. I'd had a beard for the last 6 months and the missus had been pestering me to shave it off for a while now, so I convinced her to buy me a Wilkinson Sword Premium Safety Razor kit. On boxing day, I figured it was time for the beard to go. I grabbed my clippers, trimmed the beard as short as possible, and hopped in the shower bringing my beer with me because it's not the holidays without a shower beer. I'd loaded the razor with a first use german Wilkinson Sword, built the lather, and got to work. With slow, precise strokes in between swigs of beer, the remaining beard was removed with, thankfully, no nicks or irritation. Happy with the result, I cleaned up and got ready to go off and enjoy the rest of the day and to grab a fresh drink.
 
As the sun belts down on the corrugated shearing shed roof, I’m finally nearing the end of another 10 hour shift. I notice several drops of sweat from my brow splash against my trusty old hand shears. I’m coated in grime, sweat and filth as I finish shearing my 271st sheep of the day—a new record at Mitchell’s farm! Another day’s hard yakka done. As I crack open my first cold tinny, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the tea room mirror. Jeez I’m in need of a shave, but with no gear out here on the ranch, I’m at a loss for what to do. Hang on a minute... what is all this greasy wool fat all over my hands? That looks pretty slick and cushiony! I massage some of this lanolin from the sheep's wool into my stubble and it lathers up a treat! If only I had a razor...

The trusty old hand shears on the bench glint in the fading sun, almost as if beckoning me. Still razor sharp. I dismantle, give it a quick clean and run the blade over a strop hanging nearby. Hair popping sharpness combined with the luxurious wool fat lather demolishes three days growth in a single pass, leaving a perfect BBS finish! I grab a few more ice cold tinnies and head out back to join the lads.

And so it was that the iconic MWF soap was born 😉
 
You can get it stroppin'
You can get it latherin'
You can get it honin' a strait'
A hard earned shave needs a big cold splash
And the best cold splash's a VIC
A LONG COLD MENTHOLATED VIC
You can get it shavin'
You can get it splashin'
You can get it any old how
Matter o' fact, I got it now
 
alfredus said:
SOLD OUT AT MY LOCAL CH!!!

Is this competition already for something unobtainium???
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LE highly collectible unobtanium ...

We are THAT kinda forum :)

Its that your entry though?
 
(With apologies to Ernest Hemingway...)

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Jimmy Buffet song at a Chinese restaurant.

I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk white Lamborghini and her Lancôme smile. There had been a fight. I
had punched her boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyonet old him, "You ride the bull, señor. You do not fight it." But he was
lean and tough like a bad rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we were done there were no winners, just men doing what men must do.

"Stop the car," the girl said. There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes. She knew about the woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised a hand and spoke with a gentleness I will never forget.

"I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the tollway belle's for thee."

The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie.

Life is like a bad shave with a top artisan soap, I thought as I poured VB onto my WeetBix and prepared to face a new day.
 
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Gargravarr said:
(With apologies to Ernest Hemingway...)

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Jimmy Buffet song at a Chinese restaurant.
I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk white Lamborghini and her Lancôme smile. There had been a fight. I
had punched her boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyonet old him, "You ride the bull, señor. You do not fight it." But he was
lean and tough like a bad rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we were done there were no winners, just men doing what men must do.
"Stop the car," the girl said. There was a look of terribles adness in her eyes. She knew about the woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised a hand and spoke with a gentleness I will never forget.
"I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the tollway belle's for thee."
The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie. Life is like a bad shave with a top artisan soap, I thought as I poured VB onto my WeetBix and prepared to face a new day.
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Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
He sang as he watched and waited 'til his lather frothed
You'll come a-Shaving the beard off, with me,
Chasing the BBS, Chasing the BBS
You'll come a-Chasing the BBS, with me
He sang as he watched and waited 'til his lather frothed,
you'll come a-Chasing the BBS, with me
Down came a cartridge shaver to blog at the P&C,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
he sang as he enabled that cartridge shaver with wet shaving advice,
you'll come a-Chasing the BBS, with me
Chasing the BBS, Chasing the BBS
You'll come a-Chasing the BBS, with me
 
On a different tack and for @Mark1966

I used to keep a list of my shaving supplies in a notebook.
Then I changed to using a spreadsheet.
Finally, I built a MSAccess database with automated functions to count number of shaves from a blade, tub of soap and aftershave. For the automation of course I used Visual Basic (VB) script.
 
glenos said:
On a different tack and for @Mark1966

I used to keep a list of my shaving supplies in a notebook.
Then I changed to using a spreadsheet.
Finally, I built a MSAccess database with automated functions to count number of shaves from a blade, tub of soap and aftershave. For the automation of course I used Visual Basic (VB) script.
Click to expand...
giphy.gif
 
Wilkshire13 said:
I guess I will kick things off... Cheers for the competition @Mark1966 !

My first wet shaving experience was at Christmas last year. I'd had a period of missing out for the last 6 months and the missus had been pestering me to shave it off for a while now, so I convinced her to buy me a Wilkinson Sword Premium Safety Razor kit. On boxing day, I figured it was time for the period of missing out to go. I grabbed my clippers, trimmed the period of missing out as short as possible, and hopped in the shower bringing my beer with me because it's not the holidays without a shower beer. I'd loaded the razor with a first use german Wilkinson Sword, built the lather, and got to work. With slow, precise strokes in between swigs of beer, the remaining period of missing out was removed with, thankfully, no nicks or irritation. Happy with the result, I cleaned up and got ready to go off and enjoy the rest of the day and to grab a fresh drink.
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Hang on here.
There is more to the story than this. Where is the ending. No happy ending. Did she actually miss the beard?

Maybe change the word beard to 'period of missing out'
 
Well done gentlemen you blokes! I knew that there was talent in this lot. (y)

So hard to pick a winner.

Will it be @Wilkshire13 for introducing me to the concept of shower beer?

Maybe @Ozymandias for unlocking the origin story of MWF?

@Holiday for nailing the VB "Thirst" promo jingle?

The tale from @JohnJohn321 was certainly a bonza bewdy ...

... and @Gargravarr added some Hemmingway class.

Not to be outclassed though - @glenos with his lateral thinking.

I'm also voting for @Holiday's "Chasing the BBS" as the official P&C anthem - what do you think @Monsta_AU and @alfredus ?

BUT there must be a winner.

[Drum roll]

And the winner, of the unopened, collectible, limited edition VB Thirst fragrance is ...



@Holiday !


Not only did he have TWO high class entries BUT as a resident of DARWIN he gets special bonus points - you don't get more authentically VB than the NT.

Thanks to all who entered - I hope you had as much fun writing as I did reading.
 
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