Mark1966
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Taken from this SMH Article by Michael Pascoe I present you with, The Bingham Code -
The Bingham Code
1. On approach, consider yourself already flying.
There are many variables to account for when travelling.
Accept that stuff happens in life and some fellow citizens may be running late for a flight and therefore should be granted speedy access. Or maybe they are just really desperate for the first coffee of the day in the lounge. Whatever, if you're not walking up the escalator to departures, you stand to the left-hand side and keep any baggage out of the way. You do not stand abreast of your partner. It can wait.
2. Check the kitchen sink in.
Airlines still allow you to check in baggage. They should not allow you to bring the kitchen sink into the cabin. Unfortunately, they often do – but that doesn't mean you must. Less is more up in the air – or that's what the airlines seem to think as they don't provide enough overhead locker space for everyone's kitchen sink. If you bring a second piece, you will suffer with it in your lap and footwell.
3. You know there is security to go through – be prepared.
It is a peculiarity of certain people that they can be in a lengthy queue at a bus stop and then be totally surprised to subsequently find themselves at the top of said queue and only then start rummaging for the pass or money required to board. Airport security queues are similar – you will reach the top of it. Be ready to make with the laptop and mobile phone and aerosols.
(Of course, a real Bingham thinks twice about travelling with aerosols anyway. And a real Bingham knows which belt and shoes set off the alarm and therefore doesn't wear them. A real Binghamette has discovered which bling goes "beep-beep" and doesn't wear it flying. But not everyone is capable of such sophistication.)
4. Once through, keep going through.
The X-ray machine is not only for you. Move your stuff as far down the line from the machine as possible to repack your bloody aerosols and get dressed again. A real Bingham will assist by deftly stacking any excess plastic trays when the security staff are busy or slack.
5. The lounge is for lounging, not camping.
There is a separate chapter to be written about appropriate lounge behaviour, but purposes of the brief Code, seats are for backsides, not your bags. And just because the booze is free, it doesn't mean you have to drink it all.
6. Boarding is a team sport
Depending on the aircraft, there tends to be a much smaller number of doors than there are passengers. We have to share the doorway and aisle. See Rule 2. And it's very, very poor form to lose focus, miss the boarding call and delay the flight while the airline pages you because you have luggage in the hold that can't be quickly extracted and sent to a garbage compactor.
7. Backpack whackers
Like wearing a baseball cap backwards, wearing a backpack in close quarters lowers the individual's IQ by 20 points. Boarding a plane, take it off and carry it in front of you, otherwise your reduced intelligence will see you move from side to side and half-turn at some stage, smacking a seated passenger in the head. Ditto ladies with large bags hanging from shoulders.
8. Seating civilly
It is polite to acknowledge those you will be sharing thigh space with the next little while. It is not polite to embark upon your life story if the usual human signs of "not particularly interested" are present. On the other hand, genuine friendships can develop over free drinks and ugly snack packs at 10,000 metres between consenting adults– occasionally, frequent flying can be quite delightful. Just respect all limits.
And be aware: There's something about alcohol and emotion up in the air. A couple of drinks and vaguely sentimental movie can force a tearing up. Respect that too.
9. Seating rights
If you have a weak bladder, request an aisle seat.
The person who draws the middle-seat straw has first dibs on both armrests.
If you watch a funny movie that makes you laugh out loud, remember you have headphones and what the "loud" part of "out loud" means. Control yourself.
If you are obese and require two seats to avoid squashing a fellow traveller, don't book a single economy seat. Talk to the airline.
10. DON'T RECLINE
It's the core of the code. You know it. It's been written before – read it here: In a more advanced society, garrotting recliners would be permitted, but recliners wouldn't exist in an advanced society.
11. The Great Escape
It's OK, claustrophobes, this flight too will pass. We will all get out of the aeroplane in time. No need to push past anyone. On the other hand, it is reasonable to be prepared to leave, "to have your shit together" so to speak. Nice tall people help nice short people get a bag down. If your kitchen sink is stowed 20 rows back, bad luck, wait – you're not entitled to push through everyone else to get it.
As you leave, say thank you. The cabin staff do this much more often than you do and deserve some sympathy.
And also thank your god or gods and the mysterious laws of physics that allowed 70 tonnes of metal, glass and plastic to levitate and move speedily across the face of the planet, depositing you relatively close to schedule somewhere quite far away. It's quite amazing really.
Good advice for irregular travellers!
The Bingham Code
1. On approach, consider yourself already flying.
There are many variables to account for when travelling.
Accept that stuff happens in life and some fellow citizens may be running late for a flight and therefore should be granted speedy access. Or maybe they are just really desperate for the first coffee of the day in the lounge. Whatever, if you're not walking up the escalator to departures, you stand to the left-hand side and keep any baggage out of the way. You do not stand abreast of your partner. It can wait.
2. Check the kitchen sink in.
Airlines still allow you to check in baggage. They should not allow you to bring the kitchen sink into the cabin. Unfortunately, they often do – but that doesn't mean you must. Less is more up in the air – or that's what the airlines seem to think as they don't provide enough overhead locker space for everyone's kitchen sink. If you bring a second piece, you will suffer with it in your lap and footwell.
3. You know there is security to go through – be prepared.
It is a peculiarity of certain people that they can be in a lengthy queue at a bus stop and then be totally surprised to subsequently find themselves at the top of said queue and only then start rummaging for the pass or money required to board. Airport security queues are similar – you will reach the top of it. Be ready to make with the laptop and mobile phone and aerosols.
(Of course, a real Bingham thinks twice about travelling with aerosols anyway. And a real Bingham knows which belt and shoes set off the alarm and therefore doesn't wear them. A real Binghamette has discovered which bling goes "beep-beep" and doesn't wear it flying. But not everyone is capable of such sophistication.)
4. Once through, keep going through.
The X-ray machine is not only for you. Move your stuff as far down the line from the machine as possible to repack your bloody aerosols and get dressed again. A real Bingham will assist by deftly stacking any excess plastic trays when the security staff are busy or slack.
5. The lounge is for lounging, not camping.
There is a separate chapter to be written about appropriate lounge behaviour, but purposes of the brief Code, seats are for backsides, not your bags. And just because the booze is free, it doesn't mean you have to drink it all.
6. Boarding is a team sport
Depending on the aircraft, there tends to be a much smaller number of doors than there are passengers. We have to share the doorway and aisle. See Rule 2. And it's very, very poor form to lose focus, miss the boarding call and delay the flight while the airline pages you because you have luggage in the hold that can't be quickly extracted and sent to a garbage compactor.
7. Backpack whackers
Like wearing a baseball cap backwards, wearing a backpack in close quarters lowers the individual's IQ by 20 points. Boarding a plane, take it off and carry it in front of you, otherwise your reduced intelligence will see you move from side to side and half-turn at some stage, smacking a seated passenger in the head. Ditto ladies with large bags hanging from shoulders.
8. Seating civilly
It is polite to acknowledge those you will be sharing thigh space with the next little while. It is not polite to embark upon your life story if the usual human signs of "not particularly interested" are present. On the other hand, genuine friendships can develop over free drinks and ugly snack packs at 10,000 metres between consenting adults– occasionally, frequent flying can be quite delightful. Just respect all limits.
And be aware: There's something about alcohol and emotion up in the air. A couple of drinks and vaguely sentimental movie can force a tearing up. Respect that too.
9. Seating rights
If you have a weak bladder, request an aisle seat.
The person who draws the middle-seat straw has first dibs on both armrests.
If you watch a funny movie that makes you laugh out loud, remember you have headphones and what the "loud" part of "out loud" means. Control yourself.
If you are obese and require two seats to avoid squashing a fellow traveller, don't book a single economy seat. Talk to the airline.
10. DON'T RECLINE
It's the core of the code. You know it. It's been written before – read it here: In a more advanced society, garrotting recliners would be permitted, but recliners wouldn't exist in an advanced society.
11. The Great Escape
It's OK, claustrophobes, this flight too will pass. We will all get out of the aeroplane in time. No need to push past anyone. On the other hand, it is reasonable to be prepared to leave, "to have your shit together" so to speak. Nice tall people help nice short people get a bag down. If your kitchen sink is stowed 20 rows back, bad luck, wait – you're not entitled to push through everyone else to get it.
As you leave, say thank you. The cabin staff do this much more often than you do and deserve some sympathy.
And also thank your god or gods and the mysterious laws of physics that allowed 70 tonnes of metal, glass and plastic to levitate and move speedily across the face of the planet, depositing you relatively close to schedule somewhere quite far away. It's quite amazing really.
Good advice for irregular travellers!
